If you’ve read my previous post about Elisa’s current predicaments leading to hospitalisations, you don’t have to click this link. If you haven’t read it and don’t know what has been happening previously, I recommend you to read this first before carrying on.
Spring spent in hospitals
Elisa spent the majority of April in the hospitals. She did get transferred from Southampton to our nearest hospital, Poole hospital, which made it easier for us to care for her and I was able to be more involved. During that hospital stay, Elisa’s dystonia did not get better and her dystonia rescue plan had to be constantly reviewed and altered. In the end, the doctors were trying their hardest to get the hip surgery booked in for as soon as possible.
Her hip surgery was booked in for June
Personally, I felt disheartened. It was so torturous for me to see my child in so much pain. She was in agony! All she would do was either be in drugged up sleep in relative calmness or scream like she was being tormented in medieval torture machine that stretched her limbs into unnatural positions. I am not going to lie – it was hell. I was convinced Elisa was scared of waking up, to be aware of her pain. The complaining and screaming came on like with a flick of a switch – one minute she would be seemingly calm and sleeping, the next second she would have screwed up her face and was screaming with the the full capacity of her lungs.
The reason for a long waiting time was the pandemic
I was told there were only two hospitals doing paediatric hip surgeries: Southampton General Hospital and Great Ormond Street in London. As was the case, the waiting list was unduly long for both hospitals. It was unsettling to think there could be so many other children in similar agony to Elisa waiting for the operation as desperately as we were…
Still, every single day I wished for a phone call from either of the hospital to announce: “Hey, we’ve got a cancellation – could you come in as soon as possible to get Elisa’s hips done?”
That never happened though, but I lived in hope.
We got Elisa home
In the end of April, we got Elisa home. It wasn’t because she was better; it was a trial to see if we could manage her dystonia better at home where we would have all her equipment and specialist seating in hand, not to forget the comforting stimuli of home environment. Armed with very powerful drugs and our invaluable night carers paid by NHS, we got her home and hoped for the best.
We tried our hardest. 24/7 we would cuddle our daughter, as that was the only way we could keep her as content as possible.
It nearly broke me.
I found myself thinking that I wished for her to give up. I couldn’t imagine the strength required from her to keep going, and I wanted her to find peace – even if it would only come through death. I was horrified by my thoughts. It wasn’t that I wanted to lose her or for her to die. I wanted her pain to stop so bad that I was even ready to let her go – so she would not have to suffer so damn much anymore like she had been.
If you do follow me on Facebook, the last bit didn’t come to you as a surprise, as I did post about it there. I add the post underneath for you to read now in case you’ve missed it:
My best wasn’t enough
In the end, it was too much for me. We decided to take Elisa back to the hospital, where she could have more sedatives than what we were allowed to give her at home. It wasn’t an easy decision in any means, but it was what we felt was right for her.
She spent the last weeks of May in Poole Hospital. I informed the doctors I rather had her in medically induced coma than see her suffer, but due the infection risks and withdrawals and all that lot that comes from such extreme medications, it really wasn’t a practical option. It left her being medicated as regularly as possible with pain relief, chloral and other sedatives.
Thanks to our insistent nagging though, the doctors allowed it that she didn’t need to be screaming her head off in absolute agony before giving her the strongest stuff.
Time is too slow for those who wait
It took forever, but we got to the end of May. Then she was transferred to Southampton Hospital – on Dan’s birthday – in readiness for the upcoming surgery.
The surgery finally happened in 2nd of June
and it took nearly 8 hours. I do admit, I do not know all the ins and outs of what they’ve done to her hips as I didn’t want to know – but both of her hips were done, metal rods put in, bones crushed and what-have-you, tendons in her groin were loosened and they operated on her pelvis too. She will have four big battle scars as a proof for undergoing such an operation.
If you want to know what was done, Dan found this useful video for you to view on Youtube called “Hip Reconstruction in Cerebral Palsy“.
She will need to wear a brace for 6 weeks post-operation.
Afterwards, she spent 2 nights in Paediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU). First night she was in ventilator getting as much rest in as possible, and for the second night she was kept in for other medical reasons.
On a third day she was transferred to HDU ward, where she is still today.
Today is the 10th of June 2021.
Today it has been a week and a day from the surgery.
Guess what? I went to the hospital to see Dan and Elisa today and Elisa gave me a genuine smile when she saw me. She smiled at me! For the first time this year! My heart nearly stopped, it was a such a sight that I could have cried on that very spot!
Instead, I rushed over to stroke her face and cuddle her as gently as I could.
She has some gentle physio daily and she has even managed to sit in her own wheelchair already – and the big news is that she is tolerating it!
After having to cuddle our child non-stop as that was the only way to keep her as content as possible, to see her in her wheelchair is… I don’t think there is a word for this sort of emotional excitement, wonder and happiness pierced with sadness that I feel when I see her now.
Oh, only if we could have had her hips done earlier, back in March!
Maybe this was it?
We are so hopeful we have finally cracked the mystery of the dystonia trigger – it might have been the hips. Her sore hips causing her to go into dystonic status every single day for the past… I don’t want to do the maths for how long she has suffered. I’m just glad we’ve finally managed to do something that has made a positive difference to her wellbeing.
She is still having a lot of drugs, but not as much as she was pre-surgery. In most likelihood she will be spending the whole 6 weeks in the Southampton hospital so she can have the specialist physio she requires to heal, but that is such a small price to pay if it means we can have our happy little girl back!
Again, thank you for reading – and to all of you who has sent us messages, comments, phone calls, cards and gifts: thank you so much. It has meant so much for us. It has helped us to keep going, knowing we are not alone in this. We are so grateful to you. Thank you!